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Food!

Food!

It's food! Can't you read?

All the Foods!

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  • BACON!
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  • PAMERZAM!
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  • SPUDS!
  • Stolen!
  • To Kill For!
  • Veg­gies
  • WASH YER SISTER!
 
Wash up! It's time for:

FOOD!

Fluffy Scrambled Eggs

You know how when you go to a din­er or deli, the omelettes or scram­bled eggs are all pret­ty and fluffy? How do they do that? Sim­ple: By sum­mon­ing demons, which I don’t rec­om­mend. Here’s a safer way to make fluffy eggs yourself.

  • Hat Tip:
  • Lorraine
  • Categories:
  • Breakfast
  • Eggs

Multiple Personalities Chicken Soup

It’s always good to have fresh chick­en, but maybe not THAT fresh.

  • Categories:
  • Chicken
  • Entrées
  • Soup/Stew

Spaghetti and Chicken Balls

Yeah. Chick­ens have balls.

  • Categories:
  • Chicken
  • Entrées
  • Pasta

Maple Bacon Popcorn

You had me at “bacon.”

  • Categories:
  • BACON!
  • HORSE DOOVERS!
  • Pork

Real Live Honest-to-Louvre French Baguette

Mak­ing bread isn’t dif­fi­cult. Mak­ing baguette with that crisp, deep gold­en-brown crust and chewy insides with skil­lions of holes—it’s a chal­lenge. But the ingre­di­ents aren’t fan­cy or expen­sive: Yeast, flour, salt, water. You can afford some tri­al and error, and the end result is worth it!

  • Hat Tip:
  • King Arthur Flour
  • Categories:
  • Bread
  • French
  • Side Dishes

Mouth Orgasm Cheesecake

Warn­ing: Don’t take this cheese­cake to work unless you want a huge sex­u­al harass­ment lawsuit.

  • Hat Tip:
  • Mom!
  • Categories:
  • Cream Cheese
  • Desserts
  • Sour Cream

Homemade Pancake Syrup

Dear Aunt Jemi­ma and Mrs. But­ter­worth: Sor­ry to see you go, but we’ve trad­ed up

  • Categories:
  • Breakfast
  • Sauce/Relish

German Pancakes

Not part of a nutri­tious break­fast. You won’t care.

  • Categories:
  • Breakfast
  • German

Plain Ol’ Bread

It’s just plain ol’ bread. Hence the title.

  • Categories:
  • Bread

French Bread

If you over­cook French bread it gets too hard. Not to wor­ry; you can use it to attack Inspec­tor Clouseau!

  • Categories:
  • French Bread

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Home Copyright© 2015, FOOD! If you experience an erection lasting more than 4 hours, congratulations! Do not autoclave. Keep away from open flame. May cause hunger pangs and excessive salivation. Light fuse and get away. Wash hands. Push button. Rub hands together under warm air. Do not insert into penis. You must be this tall ↑ to enter the ride. Driver does not carry cash. This product has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice. Safety goggles and HazMat suit recommended. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. Do not fold, staple, spindle or mutilate. Keep out of reach of children. Better yet: Keep children out of reach. Suffocation risk. Do not wash hair or clothing in the toilet. No shirt, no shoes, no problem. May cause drowsiness. Alcohol may intensify the fun. Never work with a forklift driver named Klaus. Not intended for highway use. Stunt driver on closed course. Do not attempt. Don't forget to feed your Trunk Monkey. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Avoid California: Everything in California causes cancer.