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Food!

Food!

It's food! Can't you read?

All the Foods!

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  • BACON!
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  • PAMERZAM!
  • Pasta
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    • Dressing
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  • WASH YER SISTER!
 
Wash up! It's time for:

FOOD!

Lemon/PAMERZAM! Dressing

Respect­ful­ly renamed Pamerzam in hon­or of my dad!

  • Hat Tip:
  • Dad!
  • Categories:
  • Cheese
  • Dressing
  • PAMERZAM!
  • Salad
  • Side Dishes

Hifalutin Mac & Cheeses

Any­body can make Krapft Mac & “Cheese.” This stuff is so good it takes four REAL cheeses.

  • Hat Tip:
  • John Paulk
  • Categories:
  • BACON!
  • Cheese
  • Macaroni
  • Pasta
  • Pork
  • Side Dishes

Snotty Tuna Salad

I’m not say­ing Gwyneth Pal­trow made fun of my recipe. I’m just say­ing she has nev­er denied it.

Fortunately she's been too busy steaming her vagina to pay much attention.
  • Categories:
  • Sammiches
  • Tuna

Butternut Squash/Sausage Soup

You just get some nuts, but­ter ’em and squash ’em.

We got yer BAM! BAM! right here, Emiril!
  • Hat Tip:
  • Emiril Lagasse
  • Categories:
  • Entrées
  • Pork
  • Soup/Stew

Mouth Orgasm Cheesecake

Warn­ing: Don’t take this cheese­cake to work unless you want a huge sex­u­al harass­ment lawsuit.

  • Hat Tip:
  • Mom!
  • Categories:
  • Cream Cheese
  • Desserts
  • Sour Cream

Spaghetti and Chicken Balls

Yeah. Chick­ens have balls.

  • Categories:
  • Chicken
  • Entrées
  • Pasta

Ossim Poke Chaps

If you pro­nounce it “Poke Chaps” they sound fancier.

  • Categories:
  • Entrées
  • Pork
  • Sauce/Relish

Granny’s Sweet Pickles

From the ultra-secret files of my Granny!

Don't make any changes to this recipe. You don't want my granny to haunt you!
  • Hat Tip:
  • Granny
  • Categories:
  • HORSE DOOVERS!

Swedish Cream

The most amaz­ing dessert you’ve ever tast­ed, or my name isn’t Svårgên Lüte­fîsk Løki Vîn Ümlaut Du Köm­mer Att Assim­i­l­eras of Børg!

  • Hat Tip:
  • Mom!
  • Categories:
  • Cream Cheese
  • Dairy
  • Desserts
  • Sour Cream

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Home Copyright© 2015, FOOD! If you experience an erection lasting more than 4 hours, congratulations! Do not autoclave. Keep away from open flame. May cause hunger pangs and excessive salivation. Light fuse and get away. Wash hands. Push button. Rub hands together under warm air. Do not insert into penis. You must be this tall ↑ to enter the ride. Driver does not carry cash. This product has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice. Safety goggles and HazMat suit recommended. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. Do not fold, staple, spindle or mutilate. Keep out of reach of children. Better yet: Keep children out of reach. Suffocation risk. Do not wash hair or clothing in the toilet. No shirt, no shoes, no problem. May cause drowsiness. Alcohol may intensify the fun. Never work with a forklift driver named Klaus. Not intended for highway use. Stunt driver on closed course. Do not attempt. Don't forget to feed your Trunk Monkey. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Avoid California: Everything in California causes cancer.