Author: Beaker Muppet

 

Texas Ranger BBQ Brisket

If you ever set­tle for any store-bought rub or sauce after try­ing this recipe, Chuck Nor­ris will per­son­al­ly kick your ass clear off the planet.

Bruce Lee Spaghetti

This is sort of stolen from Cal­i­for­nia Piz­za Kitchen’s Kung Pao Spaghet­ti. But it’s Bruce Lee Spaghet­ti because it’s BADASS.

Those red stripes on his stomach? Marinara sauce. #TMYK

Lemon/PAMERZAM! Dressing

Respect­ful­ly renamed Pamerzam in hon­or of my dad!

Hifalutin Mac & Cheeses

Any­body can make Krapft Mac & “Cheese.” This stuff is so good it takes four REAL cheeses.

Snotty Tuna Salad

I’m not say­ing Gwyneth Pal­trow made fun of my recipe. I’m just say­ing she has nev­er denied it.

Fortunately she's been too busy steaming her vagina to pay much attention.

Butternut Squash/Sausage Soup

You just get some nuts, but­ter ’em and squash ’em.

We got yer BAM! BAM! right here, Emiril!

Ossim Poke Chaps

If you pro­nounce it “Poke Chaps” they sound fancier.

Granny’s Sweet Pickles

From the ultra-secret files of my Granny!

Don't make any changes to this recipe. You don't want my granny to haunt you!

Swedish Cream

The most amaz­ing dessert you’ve ever tast­ed, or my name isn’t Svårgên Lüte­fîsk Løki Vîn Ümlaut Du Köm­mer Att Assim­i­l­eras of Børg!