Author: Beaker Muppet

 

Ranch Dressing

1⁄2 cup may­on­naise 1⁄2 cup sour cream 1⁄2 cup but­ter­milk or reg­u­lar milk 3⁄4 – 1 tsp. dried dill weed 1⁄2 tsp. dried pars­ley 1⁄2 tsp. dried chives 1⁄4 tsp. onion pow­der 1⁄2 tsp. gar­lic pow­der 1⁄4 tsp. fine sea salt 1⁄8 tsp. fine­ly cracked pep­per Fresh­ly squeezed lemon juice to taste )approx­i­mate­ly 1–3 tsp., adjust to taste)

The Dali Lasagna

I entered my grand­moth­er’s type­writ­ten recipe here exact­ly as writ­ten; typos, sur­re­al­ism and all.

Chicken Bacon Ranch Casserole

This keto- and Hashimo­to-friend­ly dish is easy, quick, and does­n’t need a lot of obscure ingredients!

Dutch Oven Pot Roast

The first recipe in our new To Kill For! cat­e­go­ry; here’s a pot roast your guests might kill you or any­one else to get!

Slow Cooker Chicken Bacon Ranch Pasta

Cheese, bacon, pasta—it’s all the per­fect ingredients!

Chicken Pot Pie for the Maillard Reaction Addict’s Soul

The ulti­mate win­ter com­fort food: Make one or more of those when it’s nice out­side, cov­er tight­ly with foil (see instruc­tions below) and pop it into the oven when it’s cold!

Anal-Retentive Chocolate Cream Cheese Frosting

I don’t like con­fec­tion­er’s sug­ar and I don’t like frost­ing with melt­ed choco­late. Sue me.

I recommend against poop emoji cupcakes.

Chocolate Cake From Scratch

Not a rec­om­mend­ed serv­ing suggestion.

Sandwich Bread

Home­made bread tends to have a crunchi­er crust than store­bought sand­wich bread. Here’s how to match that soft­ness and exceed the yum!

Ralphie’s Microwave Fudge

The queen moth­er of obscene­ly deli­cious desserts!