Author: Beaker Muppet

 

French Toast

Jesus and Mary don’t appear on this French toast. This French toast appears on Jesus and Mary: They have match­ing tattoos.

Black Forest Chocolate Cheesecake

There is NEVER enough cheesecake.

Toenail-Free Almond Cookies

For some rea­son even the best Chi­nese restau­rants usu­al­ly serve fac­to­ry-pack­aged almond cook­ies with all the appeal of a card­board beer coast­er with a toe­nail on top. Here’s how to get that dis­gust­ing image out of your brain.

No.

Rice Krispies Brrraaaaaaainssssss

Don’t leave the eye­balls attached. We don’t want this to get gross.

Zombie Boogers

It’s kind of dif­fi­cult to tell whether Iggy Pop is wear­ing zom­bie make­up or if he just looks like that anyway.

Honey Brined Turkey

I’ve been using this brine exclu­sive­ly for sev­er­al years. It makes the turkey so moist and ten­der it almost falls apart like a good brisket.

Speedy Bean & Bacon Soup

Let’s face it: Aliens vs. Preda­tors is a bet­ter love sto­ry than Twilight.

Bean Counter Chowder

Don’t wor­ry; you’ll have more than three beans.

Beer & Cheese Soup

Amen!

Slow Cooker Chicken and Dumplings

You get dumplings, and YOU get dumplings, and YOU get dumplings!